Y'know. After watching The Shot for the third week in a row, I realize that I don't know shit about photography. Not that I ever thought I did. I pride myself on having all 27 bazillion dials and switches on my camera set to 'Auto'. But I just had no idea that you can take pictures underwater.
Maybe I'll take my Nikon into the kids' inflatable backyard pool and experiment.
Or not. Not only would I probably ruin my camera, but it's freakin' November. I'd freeze my ass off.
Anyway. There was a show on tonight. And I recap it, so here we go...
This episode picked up right after the last elimination that sent my man Ivan home. Collectively, our photographers were sad to see him go. Except for Piper. She said that Ivan let Dean control him. Oh yeah, and Dean didn't seem all that heartbroken either. He said that Ivan wasn't strong enough.
I dunno, maybe it's this cough syrup or the NyQuil or whatever. But I'm liking Piper more and more this week. I think I'm just typing while under the influence. I hope Q doesn't mind.
Anyway, Robin says that she thinks no one sees her as a serious competitor. And then Piper says that she trusts no one and she has to watch her back.
Um, Piper? Sweetheart? I think it's your models and your cameras that you need to watch. Not so much your back.
So. They're all gathered around the TV when Russell James pops on and says that they have 15 minutes to get ready, and to wear comfortable clothes, because they'll be photographing outdoor stuff this time.
They get into their Hummer limo thing and end up at Malibu Tree Park. Russell, who is rocking an Indiana Jones hat, tells them that their challenge will be to work in extreme locations. He directs them to look up, and they see two rock-climbers, who conveniently also model, coming down a cliff. Jason gets all excited, saying he's never done anything like this before. I'm thinking Jason's also never done anything like dress himself before either.
Russell continues by telling the photographers that they, too, will be scaling the cliff to get their shots. He says that they'll be suspended using safety equipment, and says that he's looking for intensity in their photos, and that they each have 15 minutes to get their shot.
OK, cool. (Yeah, I know. Easy for me to say while I'm sitting on my ass watching this -- not suspended off the side of a huge-ass cliff.)
So first up is Jason. He's like a kid on Christmas. He takes all his toys up to the top of the cliff. Nothing remarkable about his shot, but Russell says that Jason took way too much equipment up there with him.
Next is Robin. My girl is scared to go over the edge, but she does it and thinks she got her shot.
John's next. I still think he's hot, but he acted like a little girl (or like I would if I were suspended off a cliff) and at one point, he shrieks that his suspension equipment broke. I giggle, thinking he sounds like my 8-year old daughter. (Who, incidentally, will be 9 on Friday -- happy birthday Princess!)
So next is Airic. I'm wondering how he's planning on turning this into porn, because that's what Airic does. But he doesn't have time to even think dirty, because he's all spinning around like a tangled-up marionette. Russell says that he "got seasick watching him", and Airic leaves disappointed, knowing that he didn't get the shot that he wanted. Probably because the models were guys. And they were fully-clothed.
And Bree is next. She did an awesome job, and called time early. She says that she got what she wanted and the model looked tired, so she cut it early.
I love Bree. I love how her priority seems to be the well-being of the models. Major kudos to her.
OK, so then we get Piper. Piper, Piper, Piper. She's stalling like hell, saying that she's a "city girl" and she doesn't get down with this kinda thing. So we watch her stall for awhile and naturally cut to...
--- Our first break. We get a Vaseline ad, followed by a Seasonique Birth Control pill ad. I, of course, giggle, because I still haven't grown up from last week. ---
After the break, we get more Piper. She's finally up on top of the cliff. She makes it over the side, but tells her model to come all the way up. He goes up as far as he can, and she asks him to do tricks. The phrase "Dance, Monkey, Dance!" pops into my head. And Piper would not leave the edge of the cliff to save her damn life.
Dean's next. What can I say about Dean? He's bossy, focused, and awesome.
And finally, we have Maria. She gets hit with heatstroke. As we see her lying down all flushed with a thermometer in her mouth and medics all around, she says in a voice-over that it's 105 in the shade. We hear someone over a medic's walkie-talkie thing saying that he doesn't think Maria should do the shoot. But, Maria knows that this is a competition and she gets the hell up and does her shoot. Damn, that girl definitely has more balls than I do. Anyway, she tells us, "I felt really crappy. It was not a good situation." But she gets some excellent shots, and ends up all smiley, saying this is "rockstar stuff". Oh yeah, that's my girl.
So Russell brings the photographers together and says that he'll look over the shots and the two best photographers, as usual, will be team leaders for the next challenge. And he sends them back to the loft, where they just hang out a little and do the normal BS stuff.
Back at the lab, Russell gives them their critiques.
John's is first, and Russell says that he's impressed that John hung in there and got the shot. I smirk at the "hung in there" pun.
He tells Airic that, although he spent his time twisting and turning, he kept shooting. So, y'know. Bonus points for Airic.
Maria's next, and Russell says that she got an excellent shot, even with her not feeling well.
Bree's up next and Russell gives her a bad critique. He says that she needs to push emotion. Bree disagrees to the camera, but she smiles her sweet Aussie smile to Russell's face.
Next is Dean, and he has a great shot and gets a great critique.
This means that the two team leaders for the next challenge will be Maria and Dean. They get to pick their teams. It goes like this: Maria picks John, Dean gets Jason. Maria picks John, Dean grabs Robin. Maria takes Airic, and Dean is again stuck with Piper. Dean tells us, "I gotta deal with it."
Uh yeah, dude, you can't snap your fingers and make her go away, ya know?
Russell then explains that their next campaign will be a "conceptual" campaign. I see a little glee in Airic's eye and it dawns on me that he thinks that means that they get to conceive a child. Which means sex. And an orgy.
But it's very different than that. Zanna Roberts (the Marie-Claire judge) explains that they will have designer dresses for their models, and the photographers are to make the most of the dresses. Sorry, Airic, no orgy this week. But hang in there. *wink wink*
So they go back to the loft and start "strategizing". I put that word in quotes, because there wasn't that much strategizing going on. Basically, Maria and Bree try on the designer dresses. They say that it's to check for "fluidity", but I know that all girls love to try on designer clothes, so that's what that was all about. They go no further in their planning.
Now, Dean's team. They use the time to pick on Piper. Dean tells Jason and Robin that the reason that they're on his team is because he trusts them fully. Then he turns to Piper and says that she's on his team because she was the only one left. This turns into a nice little bitch session.
Piper again says that she trusts no one. Which makes sense to me, because no one likes her. She also says that she allowed Dean to sabotage her. She goes into examples, saying that last time, they agreed as a team on a concept, but after she went to bed, Dean and Ivan changed things without telling her. Dean interrupts her story several times with the phrase, "in your head". OK, I still like Dean.
--- We get an ad for the Victoria's Secret air bra. I gotta see if air is better than the water in my water bra. ---
So the next day starts off with more cat-fighting. Robin asks Piper why she's still in her pajamas, because they have work to do. Then Dean asks Piper what happened to her hair. Piper's all, "I washed it," and Dean laughs. I'm sure he's thinking some hygiene joke, but he's gentleman enough not to say it.
So they all get into the Hummer limo and end up at a mansion. Russell's there, and he reveals that there's a twist to the challenge. I'm all, "Dun dun dun!" Because I'm sarcastic as hell.
The twist is that they have to shoot the models in their designer dresses in the pool, underwater. I'm thinking that Airic is trying to find a way to get a nice up-the-dress shot. Anyway, each team gets two hours.
Maria's team is up first. I get a totally bright aura watching them stand in a single-file line, applying sunscreen to each other. What a nice team! Too bad they never discussed concept or anything. But they look so sweet putting sunscreen on the photographer in front of them.
Airic's our first dude. I keep watching him trying for that upshot. But either he's really sly about it or it never happens.
He doesn't tell the model want he wants and therefore, she has no direction. I'm sure the reason why he doesn't tell her is because his team never talked about it. So he's just winging it. This, of course, results in an overworked model who has to face a full day of shooting underwater. Probably without direction. Russell sympathizes with her.
Maria's next. Remember, this is the girl with heatstroke last challenge. Well, she gets another health issue. She's underwater for a couple of minutes and has to pop up, because her ears are plugged up and hurting. OK, it was cute when it was heatstroke. But now she's just coming across as a wuss.
Anyway, she spends a lot of time poking herself in the ears, but she does go back under the water and she takes a few pictures, but she's not sure she got the shot she wanted.
And again, the model says she got no direction. Bummer for the model, huh? Neither photographer yet has told her to swim around and look pretty.
So it's Bree's turn. She's down there under the water, doing her thing, but Russell says that she's playing it too safe. She thinks the model is getting tired (from all that non-direction), so she gives her weights. To drown her tether her to the bottom of the pool.
John is the last one going to bat for Team Maria. Remember, this is the wedding photographer. I think that if anyone can pull off an underwater wedding, John is our man. And dammit if he doesn't try. He puts a black silk drape under the water as a backdrop. He takes a few shots like that, realizes it doesn't work, and removes it. Russell calls John's shots "wishy-washy".
Dude is just killing me with the puns this week!
--- We get another commercial for that Victoria's Secret air bra. Um, that's two breaks in a row. I'm starting to take it personally. ---
So after the break, Dean's team gets their turn. Jason tells us that he doesn't know if Piper or Dean will fly off the handle. Now that's the team spirit! In it for the cat-fights! Gotta love it.
So Dean's the first one for his team. He drags some lights underwater, and Russell says that that was a bad move, because they're at the best time of the day, filled with natural sunlight.
Robin is up next. Dean is obviously backing off his bossiness, because Robin asks his opinion on something, and Dean tells her to go with what she feels is best. Robin thinks he has learned from his past mistakes. I'm all like, "Way to go Bosnian!" And she thinks her shoot went well.
Jason is the next one to go. Now Jason is at a disadvantage. All he has to go on is his instincts, because he couldn't wear his glasses under the water. He has no idea if it went well or not.
Last but not least, we get Piper. Piper, Piper, Piper. She only has 19 minutes to get her shot. As she hits the water, Dean asks her what she needs from him. She replies with a really bitchy, "From you? NOTHING ASSHOLE!" Well, she didn't really say, "asshole". But you know she was thinking it. And Robin tells us that she knows why no one wants Piper on their team. So Piper does her Piper thing, which is basically stalling. She has three minutes left and hasn't yet taken a shot. She does some more of God knows what, then finally starts shooting with less than a minute left. But she thinks she got what she wanted.
So after they all dry off and whatever, Russell tells them that they will have one hour to choose their photos. They head back to the loft, where Dean comes unglued with himself. He knew he overdid it with the lights and admitted to John that he had the worst pictures out of everyone. All of the photographers are picking up on Dean's stressing out.
--- We get an ad for the Amy Winehouse DVD. I'm all like, "Mmm, no thanks," and I wonder how much heroin she has stashed in her beehive. ---
After the break, the aspiring photographers are at the lab choosing their photos. Piper is proud of her three or four shots that she got in those 37 seconds, and she's confident that one of them is really good. Bree, on the other hand, is not comfortable with her shots, and she wishes that she didn't use those weights. Yeah, Bree, dead models are not a good look.
Then there's Dean. Dean is just pissed at the world and everyone in it. He hates his pictures. But he and the others pick their pics and head in for their final critiques.
(Why does this part always feel really redundant to me?)
Russell has them all in the critiquing room and he tells them all the prizes that they will win. This must be written into their contracts with Vaseline, Marie-Claire, and Victoria's Secret, because he reminds them of all the prizes every single episode, just like they do on America's Next Top Model.
Anyway, the critiques...
He starts with Dean's overall team. He says they were "disciplined". Umm, Russell? Piper's on that team. You really think "disciplined" is a good adjective for her? Just sayin'.
Individually, he starts with Jason. Jason's shot has the model shooting from the bottom of the pool like she was shot out of a cannon. Russell says it looks phallic. I'm all like, "Huh? That's Airic's gig!" But he asks Jason what his objective was. Jason says some Jason-shit about how he wanted the model coming out from the depths of the water and shooting through to the earth, like a birth or something. OK, I can see phallic once he starting talking about births.
All Russell really tells Robin is that she had a "pretty image".
Then he tells Piper that her shot was romantic. He asked her about her strategy. Since there was none, Piper totally bullshits something about pleats in the dress.
And finally we get Dean's critique. Russell says he sees struggle, and says that Dean "failed overall". Dean agrees and says that he overused lights.
So now we get Maria's team's critiques. Overall as a team, Russell says that their campaign had a "delicate feel", but there wasn't enough emphasis on the clothing and this was, after all, a clothing campaign. So, y'know. That kinda sucked.
He moves onto the individual critiques. Starting with John. Russell asks about the curtain. John says that he thought it was a good idea, but then it didn't work out, blah blah blah. Russell also rotated John's picture 90 degrees and even I thought it looked better. But there was nothing said about weddings, so I guess John did all right.
Russell tells Maria that her shot lacked emotion and that she didn't make the most of her elements. Whatever the hell that means.
He tells Airic that he had a nice shot. He seems particularly impressed with the bubbles. I suddenly wonder WTF is wrong with Russell for complimenting Airic on bubbles. But whatever.
And finally, he tells Bree that it was obvious that her shot was done in a pool. I'm like, "omg srsly?" Because I thought it was obvious that all of them were shot in a pool. Anyway. Russell tells her that she needs to take more creative risks.
So Russell, Zanna Roberts and Italo Gregorio send the photographers away and go into deliberations. Russell says that overall, the quality is "lifted". He's really impressed with Piper's shot, but says that Dean missed it. He says that Maria's team lacked discipline. I'm thinking it's because Maria never fought in the Bosnian war. He reiterates that Bree's shot was just okay and that he was disappointed in Maria's work.
They bring the photographers back in. Russell says that Dean's team is clearly the best and that, amazingly, Piper got the best shot out of all eight of them. Then he tells Dean that his team carried him this time, but that they're safe and that Maria's team is up for elimination.
--- Dammit Victoria's Secret! Get the f' out of my living room! I know I need that air bra! ---
So. Russell tells Maria that her team was just okay, but that John and Airic are safe. Russell offers no explanation about why he's picking on the girls, but the guys are apparently safe. He sends them to take a seat with Dean's team in the Safe Zone. Which, of course, leaves Maria and Bree as the bottom two.
Russell says that Maria is not a good leader And, not only was she a crappy team leader, but he points out that she also had a bad shot. Then he tells Bree that there was no emotion in her shot and reminds her that he can tell it was shot in a pool. Again, I wonder where the hell that came from, because I think it's obvious as hell that all of the pictures were taken in a damn pool. But oh well.
And then we get the fatal get-the-hell-out phrase...
"I'm sorry Bree. That was your last shot."
In her exit interview, Bree says that she has more skill than some of the remaining photographers, but it was different shooting under such extreme conditions.
And that was it.
We get previews for next week. Should be interesting. They'll be shooting on Malibu Beach, and the announcer-dude says that Piper is a really strong photographer, but will her lack of team spirit get her in the hot seat? Dun dun dun! It's also obvious that she won the first challenge, because they show Jason saying that Piper is a horrible team leader. Then in their second challenge, they have another shot that I'm assuming is a Panoramic shot, using 90 cameras. Jason's all excited, saying this is a tech dork's wet dream or something.
So tune in, and I'll have the recap posted, hopefully in a much more timely manner next time.
And with that, I'm going to bed and nurse this damn cold.
That's it from me for now. Until next time, have a groovy day!
Wendy Williams is a hot mess of make up & hair. I lovez thiz b!tch. Whether I always agree with her rumors or not isn't the issue. If she says something I don't like I turn it off. It's that simple. However, Wendy has been the reason for my tearful laughter on many occasion. For that I thank her and her awesome crew. Now some lucky hard working college student is going to have the opportunity to be a part of her team thanks to a bulletin posted from Wendy Williams MySpace account. 
